Next Monday, the annual Burning Man festival kicks off in the middle of the Nevada desert. Free spirits and playa warriors from around the globe have already begun to descend on Black Rock City, but we here at XLR8R wanted to weigh in before the festivities got started. After scouring the web, checking out the various camps, and perusing the litany of party lineups, we’ve put together this can’t-miss guide on how best to revel in the majesty and magic of Burning Man.

Tip #1: Don’t go.